“Things We Found In Some Guy’s Ass”: Phones, Drills, Saws, and Tools

Visitor tries to enter prison with pliers, tools and hidden cell in the anus

André Silva de Jesus, 35, was attempting to visit the prison with a literal buttload of items, presumably for a friend on the inside.  The 35 year old man tried to circumvent magazine with medical certificate.  He managed to avoid his haul being detected by x-ray by claiming that he had a pacemaker, although officials are still disturbed he got as far as he did. The prison director has promised to determine exactly what happened by “opening an internal procedure.” 

Correctional officers were surprised at the amount of equipment that a visitor hid in the anus to try to deliver an inmate of the Prison Inspector Joseph Martin Drumond in Ribeirao das Neves, Greater BH.


André Silva de Jesus, 35, was arrested with two mobile phones, two batteries, one pair of pliers, two drill bits, eight small hacksaws, five nails and three sim cards. All materials were introduced into the anus of the suspect, who presented a medical certificate saying he wore a pacemaker, and therefore could not go through an x-ray machine. During the joint magazine, André Silva appeared nervousness, which alerted the prison guards.

I don’t know how nervous a person usually looks when they are using their colon as a toolbox, but this time it was enough to cause an investigation at the local prison in Ribeirao das Neves, Brazil.

The Military Police was called to record the occurrence. It was not clear which inmate would receive the material, but the equipment indicate that prisoners try sawing grids.

In a statement, Suapi (Secretariat for Prison Administration) confirmed the incident and said that the general direction of the prison “opened an internal procedure to determine what happened.”

I have to wonder who the hell came up with that shopping list? That’s a lot of stuff.

I’m no handyman, but I’m going to assume the pliers were used to ply the cheeks wide enough to get all the other items inside, and then Jesus decided to keep them in there in case he needed help getting everything out. Now, I think it’s damn weird and curiously impressive.  Not that I want to imitate that ability, EVER, but that was no small feat.  I couldn’t get one cell phone in my butthole. At best, maybe one.  But will extreme effort.  Definitely not the rest of that stuff. And for sure I wouldn’t put hacksaws or nails in there — nothing that was designed to shred or pierce, thanks.
More info at: http://noticias.r7.com/minas-gerais/visitante-tenta-entrar-em-presidio-com-alicate-ferramentas-e-celulares-escondidos-no-anus-21072014

About The Mental Meddler

A quirky, opinionated gay guy who offends both liberal and conservatives.

Posted on July 26, 2014, in Fun Facts, International, News & Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on “Things We Found In Some Guy’s Ass”: Phones, Drills, Saws, and Tools.

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